why is everyone so goddamn selfish lately

why am i so selfish lately?

i keep blowing up but i dont ever want him to blow up back and when he blows up i try not to blow up back because thats how fights start. insensitivity and the cruel desire to win and be right. we dont always have to be right, if someone blows up at you, someone crossed a line. step back, apologize, wait for the situation to deescalate, ask to have a calm proper conversation if it matters that much.

i strongly believe that but at the same time i still crave arguments and problems. just not with him. i just want him to understand where im coming from. its not my fault i forgot, i literally have experienced long term damage to my memory, of course things are going to slip my mind all the fucking time why would you do that just because i forgot to check the website? are you doing that on purpose? think about it, if your friend went crying to you because their partner hurt themself over your friend forgetting to check their messages for a couple hours because of some unusual circumstance, like having to check a website they never used to have to implement into their daily schedule when your friend has undergone several head injuries as well as mental deficiencies that affect their memory badly as well as being in an ongoing high stress situation. how the fuck wpuld you feel about that


god i cant do this shit, honestly, rn, after experiencing almost dying and experiencing anesthesia which is quite similar, i think thats a better fucking alternative but i cant even get up to do shot for myself so im just stuck here!!

i love him, i dont want to leave him for anything, its just that these things are so cruel to do to your partner. i know he needed help, i know i do the similar shit sometimes and even used to do the same thing, i know he wasnt thinking straight but fuck who does that?


i just needed to vent idk. im probably saying shit i dont mean and ill probably delete this later